Resources for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples

As parents and influencers of our young people, we want the best for them, and for our community.

We want our young people to be healthy and proud of who they are. We want them to understand right and wrong. We want them to respect others and respect themselves.

Young people pick up their behaviours from us, their parents and elders. Sometimes, without meaning to, we might say things that excuse disrespectful behaviour towards women, and this sends an unhealthy message to our young people.

When we say things like “boys will be boys”, or “he was having a bad day”, our young people start to believe there are reasons and situations that make disrespectful behaviour acceptable.

Violence against women starts with disrespect. The excuses we make let it grow.

We can all help stop it at the start.

Speak Up Booklet

Video Resources

Andy


Download Video – Andy and Tyler – Speak up [MP4 Size: 269,855 KB]

Text version of Andy and Tyler – Speak up video

What does respect mean to you?

What does respect mean to me?Good question, darling.

I like that question.

I think it means knowing that you’re the example

and knowing that what you do pretty much is what your kids

and young people and other people around you see.

So I think making sure that what you do is respectful

to other people, to your partner, to your kids,

your parents, and other elderly people, making sure

that the way you treat them, they feel really good about it.

And they feel included, respected.

Why is it important to raise respectful young people?

I think it would be hard to think

about a future without respectful young people.

And you know, I’m not going to be here forever

but I would love to think that I’m leaving behind my sons

and daughters to be respectful to everyone around them.

How do you teach me about respect?

Like I said, the way I act and the example that I give

in respecting mummy, you know, mum don’t you?

Yeah. The why I respect mum and I treat mum

and the way I treat your sisters and your brother

the way I treat nanny and poppy

and you see that, don’t you?

Yeah.

Well, that’s how I teach it to you.

And we also have conversations about that.

You know, we have conversations

about how you treat your

friends at school and you know

the experiences you have

in relationships at school

and how we can make those experiences better for the future.

Do you have any tips on how to speak up when you see disrespect?

My tip in calling out disrespect is be firm, be fair, but be honest.

If you say disrespect, what does respect mean to you?

I think respect means a lot of things to me

like respect means treating people equally

like treating elders and people who are younger than you

and women right, and equally as you would treat your family.

Can you tell me about a time when something

disrespectful happened and you wish an adult spoke up.

I was around a teacher.

And he was watching my friend being disrespectful

to a little girl, which was younger than us.

And I wish that teacher would have spoken up

because it would have changed a lot of things.

And I felt really, really guilty that I didn’t speak up.

Download Video – Andy and Tyler – How do you teach me about respect [MP4 Size: 49,619 KB]

Text version of Andy and Tyler – How do you teach me about respect video

Transcript text goes here

How do you teach me about respect?

Like I said, the way I act and the example that I give

in respecting mummy, you know mum, don’t you?

Yeah.

The why I respect mum and

I treat mum and the way

I treat your sisters and your brother,

the way I treat nanny and poppy

and you see that, don’t you?

Yeah.

Well, that’s how I teach it to you.

Download Video – Andy and Tyler – When have you seen disrespect [MP4 Size: 47,516 KB]

Text version of Andy and Tyler – When have you seen disrespect video

Can you tell me about a time

when something disrespectful happened,

and you wish an adult spoke up.

I was around a teacher

and he was watching my friend

be disrespectful to a little girl,

which was younger than us.

And I wish that teacher would have spoken up

’cause it would have changed a lot of things.

And I felt really, really guilty that I didn’t speak up.

Kristy

Download Video – Kristy and Kiki – Speak up [MP4 Size: 237,151 KB]

Text version of Kristy and Kiki – speak up video’

Why is it important to raise respectful young people?

Well, young people are going to be the leaders of our future.

They’re going to be mums and dads one day too.

The more we teach young people about respect,

they’re going to be better people in community

in society, and yeah, kids are going to be raised really well.

Yeah, I agree. Do you have any tips

on how to speak up when you see disrespect?

Oh, I think I’m still working on those tips

and I think I’m still not great at it

and I always get worried about offending somebody

or upsetting somebody.

But I think if you say it in a way that it’s compassionate and kind,

and from a place of genuineness or caringness,

people usually take on board what you’ve said.

But yeah, I’m still figuring out the best way to do that.

It’s still uncomfortable, but we’ve got to do it.

Yeah, I think so too, I agree with that.

So how do we have chats about respect and respectful relationships?

I guess we talk about, all the time about respect

and how we’re supposed to respect other people.

We have great car talk time. Yeah, we do.

We talk about respect in the car rides a lot.

Yeah, we do a lot, hey.

We’re just getting tips from each other, hey.

Talking to breaking down some scenarios and

Getting advice from each other as well.

Yeah, yeah, car rides are good for that.

Can you tell about a time when something disrespectful happened

and you wish an adult spoke up?

Yes, I actually do have a time in schoolwhen my friend faced

something quite disrespectful, I would say, and we went

to a teacher about it and the teacher kind of said,

brush it off and said, oh, don’t worry about it, it was just a joke, you know,

it doesn’t need to go any further just leave it like that.

What happened? How did you feel?

Do you wish something different happened?

I wish that teacher would have taken

or said something different to us, maybe.

Okay, let’s talk about it

and work it out and speak to this kid

that’s done something disrespectful

and talk through it and fix it not just brush it off.

And you would hope the young,

the kid who did something disrespectful,

actually understood what he did wrong?

Yeah.

And that the adult took you seriously

and understood it as well?

100%, yeah. Yeah, okay.

Why should people in our communities have conversations about respect?

It’s so important that we are talking

about respect and we understand what is disrespect

and what is respectful behaviour?

I think we’re at a stage in our community

where people are more aware and more informed.

There’s no excuse to be disrespectful today

in today’s society.

We’ve got too much at stake if we don’t talk up.

The cost to each other, other women,

our families of not speaking up is far greater

than the cost of not saying anything at all.

Download Video – Kristy and Kiki – How to chat about respect [MP4 Size: 42,342 KB]

Text version of Kristy and Kiki – How to chat about respect video

So, how do we have chats about respect

and respectful relationships?

I guess, we talk about all the time, about respect

and how we’re supposed to respect other people.

We have great car talk time.

Yeah, we do.We talk about respect

in the car rides a lot.

Yeah we do. A lot, hey.

Just getting tips from each other, hey.

Hm mm.

Talking to breaking down some scenarios and

Getting advice from each other as well.

Yeah, yeah.

Car rides are good for that.

Yeah, they are.

Download Video – Kristy and Kiki – Why should we talk about respect [MP4 Size: 52,656 KB]

Text version of Kristy and Kiki – Why should we talk about respect video

Why should people in our communities

have conversations about respect?

It’s so important

that we’re talking about respect

and we understand what is disrespect

and what is respectful behaviour.

I think we’re at a stage in our community

where people are more aware and more informed.

There’s no excuse to be disrespectful today in today’s society.

We’ve got too much at stake if we don’t talk up.

The cost to each other, other women,

our families of not speaking up,

is far greater than the cost of not saying anything at all.

Renee

Download Video – Renee and TJ – Speak up [MP4 Size: 320,860 KB]

Text version of Renee and TJ – Speak up video

Why is it important to raise respectful young people?

are gonna be the future.

So people like you, you gonna be the person who, you know, lead the way

for our community and for the rest of the population.

So, I think it’s important that we instil respect into young people,

because ultimately they’re going to lead.

(murmuring)How do you teach young people about respect?

I teach young people about respect through instilling it through their lanes.

So, you know, if I was talking to you about respect,

I’d say, well, you know, imagine that happening to your name

or imagine that happening to your mum because that’s how I relate

to young people is I put it back on them.

Or get them to look at it through their eyes and just get them to know that, you know,

how would you feel if your little sister or your mum was walking

down the street and men were making inappropriate slurs?

You know, you have a lot of young girl cousins and you know, Isabelle’s around your age.

So you worried that when she goes out and boys are disrespectful to her.

And maybe, you know, you’ve been around your friends when they’ve been disrespectful.

So putting it back on the young person, just saying how would that make you feel?

That’s the way that I do it.

Do you have any tips on how to speak up when you see disrespect?

Yeah.

So when you say disrespect, I think it’s important.

One to not be shame or not be shy and actually call it out when you see it.

Because, as long as someone’s calling it out, or as long

even one person hears you, you’re going to make a change.

And, you know, it could impact that person.

That’s actually being disrespectful.

My second tip, don’t be discouraged by the people that you’re with, or don’t worry

about those around you, who you think will judge you

because you’re at least standing up for the right thing.

There are always gonna be people who will you know, who will say stuff to you or make judgement

on you for you stepping up to do the right thing.

But ultimately you’ve got to be the one to take that first step.

Can you tell me when you saw a young person being disrespectful?

Yeah, I can.

So one of the examples is when I was going to one of my first festivals.

I was with a large group of guy friends.

And when we were standing in line waiting to enter,

there were two girls who were walking

beside us and they were quite attractive girls.

And the boys started Wolf whistling out to them

and calling out to them and really inappropriate slurs.

And I could physically see that they are uncomfortable,

you know, they looked like they were a bit scared.

And so I didn’t call it out at the time.

But as we were walking away and grabbed

the two males who were leading it and pulled them aside

and just said, listen, like you can’t do that.

Like you’ve now, you know,impacted the them girls day.

And, you know, they might not feel safe here anymore.

And in that time I really was scared to speak up because,

you know, you’re with a big group of friends

and, you know, you could be on the outer because you’ve spoken up for the right thing.

But I feel like it was the right thing to do.

And I’m glad I did because had I not pulled them up they

might’ve gone on and done it to another group of girls.

Can you tell me a time when I did something respectful?

Yeah couple of years ago while at your mom’s place in manley

we were playing cards and the boys are trying to pick on Isabel,

your little sister.

Not me but, it’s all the cousins and you sorta said something to him, pull them up.

And I’ll just from that day, I just know to respect women.

Do you have any tips for young people about

how they can speak up when they say disrespect?

– Yeah. It’s like, if your mates are being men and you’re with them,

like, don’t follow what they’re doing

pull them up and tell them that’s not right.

And it’s going to save that person’s all right.

Whoever they’re bullying or picking on just makes you look a lot better than what your mates.

If you want to be different and treat girls way they’re meant to be treated.

And you do that, don’t worry about what your friends do.

– So has there ever been a time that you and I have spoke about respect?

– Yeah. A couple of weeks ago we went to our cousin’s 18th birth party.

And that’s the first time we changed over in a wall

because we’ve been doing our own thing about, we sat

down and you realise that me and my girlfriend

just went for a break up and you sat down and spoke about it.

And I knew like we could have that chat

because you’ve been for this same thing with me, with you.

It was good because I know I can go back to you and talk to you about that stuff again.

It is really good.

Download Video – Renee and TJ – Raising respectful young people [MP4 Size: 30,662 KB]

Text version of Renee and TJ – Raising respectful young people video

Why is it important to raise respectful young people?

Well, first and foremost, young people are going to be the future.

So, people like you, you’re going to be the person who,

you know, leads the way for our community

and for the rest of the population.

So, I think it’s important that we instil respect

into young people, because ultimately,

they’re going to lead.

Download Video – Renee and TJ – Tips to speak up [MP4 Size: 56,865 KB]

Text version of Renee and TJ – Tips to speak up video

Do you have any tips on how to speak up when you see disrespect?

Yeah. So when you see disrespect,

I think it’s important one,

to not be shame or not be shy, and actually call it out when you see it

because as long as someone’s calling it out,

or as long as even one person hears you,

you’re going to make a change.

And you know, it could impact that person

that’s actually being disrespectful.

My second tip, don’t be discouraged by the

people that you’re with,

or don’t worry about those around you

who you think will judge you

because you’re actually standing up for the right thing.

I think there are always going to be people who will

you know, who will say stuff to you or make judgement

on you for you stepping up to do the right thing.

But ultimately you’ve got to be the one

to take that first step.

Sean

Download Video – Sean and Tyra – Speak up [MP4 Size: 365,938 KB]

Text version of Sean and Tyra – Speak up video

How do you teach me about respect?

Well, how I teach you about respect is like

when we around family members,

and you’ll hear me talk to them

in a nice way and not be fighting

with anyone at the dinner table or anything like that

and I think that sort of reflects

on you to see how I react and then

that way you then get to see what respect is all about.

Do you have any tips on how to speak up

when you see disrespect?

In this society sometimes

we sort of get a bit quiet about it.

And so one of the tips is, hey I don’t like the way

you’re talking to that person or how you’re talking

to her or him or those kids or whatever.

Because I think we often leave it and mind our own business

but sometimes it is our business too

and one of the tips would be probably just intervene

or just say, I dont like what you’re saying.

Have you ever said something disrespectful

without realising it,and then reflected on it?

There was an incident when I was a lot younger

I was in my twenties and my ex partner

at the time was saying there was an incident

with a friend of hers and their partner.

And I said, what did she do?

And by me asking that question, it was right out of place.

It was wrong, I wanted to set a better example

by never, ever ever saying those sorts of things again

and even like all my friends, we’re all kind of similar type

guys where we’re all raised by our mums and we were quite

sensitive to respect for women as well and that’s probably

why I’d never, ever said it again.

What does respect mean to you?

Respect means treating people the way

you want to be treated.

Tell me a time when I did something respectful.

When you do your cultural performances

you show a lot of respect in your culture

and towards older people.

Do you have any tips to help people

speak up when they see disrespect?

I think people should just say what they need to say

and just tell them straight up

because you can’t just keep everything inside of you.

Exactly, Like just call it out

when someone’s disrespectful.

Yeah, just be straight up.

Download Video – Sean and Tyra – Reflecting on disrespect [MP4 Size: 111,028 KB]

Text version of Sean and Tyra – Reflecting on disrespect video

Have you ever said something disrespectful?

without realising it and then reflected on it?

There was an incident when I was a lot younger.

I was in my twenties.

And my ex-partner at the time was saying,

there was an incident with a friend of hers

and their partner.

And I said, “Why, what did she do?”

And by me asking that question,

it was right out of place,

it was wrong, you know I wanted to set a better example

by never ever ever saying those sorts of things again.

And, even like all my friends, you know, we’re all

kind of similar type guys,

where we’re all raised by our mums,

and we’re all quite sensitive to our

respect for women, as well, and that’s probably why

I never ever said it again.

Download Video – Sean and Tyra – Tips to speak up [MP4 Size: 76,601 KB]

Text version of Sean and Tyra – Tips to speak up video

Do you have any tips on how to speak up when you see disrespect?

In this society, sometimes we sort of get a bit quiet about it, you know?

And so, you know, one of the tips is, hey, you know

I don’t like the way you’re talking to that person

or how you’re talking to her or him

or those kids or whatever.

We often, you know,

leave it and mind our own business, you know,

but sometimes it is our business, too, you know?

Like just call it out when someone’s disrespectful.

Yeah, just be straight up.

Respect starts with us

Respecting Women and Girls

The Conversation Guide

Be ready to talk

Starting the talk

Keep yarning

Understanding Our Excuses

The Respect Checklist

Posters

Postcards

Case Studies

Influencing Respectful Relationships

Teaching Respect

Yarning About Respect